lest everything i write seem a downer. i should say that three days ago i had a great day. random things seemed to be coming together.

potential helper people came out of the woodwork offering to help in busy times coming up in a few months when i´m not around anymore.

had good conversations with fellow co-workers, which helped to give those spaces for clarifying that i care about them and the program and rebuilt our relationships after the big news.

watched merging ideas come together - suggestions or ideas that had been tossed around and considered from one source coming together with independant ideas from another - for ways to better the program in the future (i dig it when that happens).

and had a meeting with an anthropologist friend who wanted to share his plan to start a foundation that will blend holisitc community development programs with indigenous social and cultural preservation - through community-based museums (rather than having all the "artifacts" go to the "big city" out of indigenous communities) and preservation of sites and spaces significant to indigenous communties, recording of oral traditions, etc.

i was inspired - by this guatemalan wanting to use his training and his understanding of the injustices in his country in this way.

i was blessed - by the timing God´s mercy to give me this glimpse of the vision and passion he has instilled in others, especially when i am in such a low spot, and can´t even imagine having to figure out something to cook for dinner, let alone how i should change the world.

i was encouraged - by david´s inquring as to whether i would be interested in helping the foundation get started. again, a good salve to this extended period of feeling worthless and ill-equipped for the work and opportunities god has given me here.

i left making no promises. i summarized my shortcoming in my current job to clarify what i shouldn´t do. told david i could not commit to anything now besides this kind of talking through ideas. that my first prioroty is waiting for meetings with mcc and semilla to see if there is a way to salvage the second year and a half of my contract. david said ok, i´ll wait.

if nothing else, it could be a way to calm my mind´s worry that in days i will be out of a vocation and a plan. i can´t necessarily say that david´s foundation is the next step. that mcc won´t work out. but my level of anxiety over leaving guatemala has been fairly crippling. before this meeting, i had made up my mind that if my contract is cancelled, i´ll stay in guatemala til the savings run out. this may have only just been a celestial tranquilizer to keep me from freaking out. and even if that´s all, i´ll take it.