i feel like i have to quit.
too tired, too stressed, too behind all the time, too inadequete for the levels of responsibility, compassion, wisdom I would need to have to do my job well.
every day ends with the same exhausted body - a pattern of work, bed, work. which wouldn´t be so hard to live with if at the end of each day i didn´t still have lists of "to do" hardly dented. people waiting for answers, documents, meetings. students, staff, our board. tomorrow we start staff evals. god help me. i am no where near prepared to start those. and i have no motivation to carry me through the night to fininsh the preparations. again, all i can think of is bed.
today a new student asked me about how it was making friends here. i tried not to laugh, and to give an answer that wasn´t as stark as "who has time for friends." it´s not that i feel a lack of friends. in that sense, i am blessed to be an introvert and don´t require much in that regard.
but time to think, to feel, to feel like a human being again. this i miss.
i am crumbling.
i feel like i have to quit.
i will do my best not to.
but please don´t disown me if i do.
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4 comments:
oh my dear . . . we would never disown you . . . but just remember that you can't do it all . . . I'll resist the urge to give the analogy of Jesus not doing everything there was to do in any given day . . . oops, it slipped in there.
I'll be praying for you . . .
shannon, if i know you, which i think that i might...you are doing a really good job. you are such a hard worker and dedicated employee. they would be blind not to see it. but it sounds like it is time to tell someone that you need a hand. remember that we love you...and you have lots of friends here that are praying for you. i'm going to piggy-back off of lorraine's comment and reference the story of when Jesus escaped the crowd to rest. Their were tons of people that needed him, that needed healing, and guidance...but he knew that he needed rest. i often find it SO hard to say no to people, so i can identify with you. But we have to or we'll burn out. Hang in there friend. I'm saying a prayer for you right now. --brett
Shannon,
Hey there. My heart breaks as I read your entries. It sounds like yours broke long ago, and that by now you're numb working to make things right.
God is Lord of justice. When he was here he had people around Him, demanding things that they needed. He healed and healed, and somehow He maintained compassion (feeling). Probably because He is God.
Lord, give Shannon aid - a friend, a partner, a fulfilling result, extra compassion, rest, and work Your justice through her. So that Your name can be glorified.
love, Emilie B.
just stopping by to see if I can steal some pictures for something I'm working on . . . didn't find any, but thought I would let you know that I am still praying for you . . .
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