the dive

and, i´m in.

no more leaning on the ¨i´m in the orientation phase¨ when my spanish fails me, when i don´t know what to do. i am now officially, though reluctantly, the person you´d go to if you were looking for the ¨directora¨ of CASAS, though i feel like i am looking for her too.

i´ve awkwardly worn this role for 2 weeks. and there are some battle scars to prove it - a harried, late night hospital visit with a sick student, 2 hours of sleep when i took my first stab at grading students´ reflection essays this week (not realizing the 8 hour time commitment ahead), cases of mis-communication North American-to-Central American style, including instigating waves of hurt feelings when i dove into a day´s work forgetting the proper round of individual greetings to build relational rapport are so, so important here in the Guatemalan workplace context.

i have prayed prayers of desperation when i look at the calendar and to do lists and wonder how on earth we could ever pull everything together in time for 3 overlapping student groups this summer. i have wanted to quit and for God to send someone else. i have found temporary haven behind the bathroom door when my fragile will was no match for the welling tears pushing their way past it.

but...

i have laughed. with Karen, Lucy, Edgar and Enrique. with Nate, Anabeth, Hillary, Allison. with Panchita, and Albertina and Rafael. and yes, at myself.

i have stood gaping in awe and heavenly gratitude when a major coordination disaster - another case of my skills in cross-cultural communication failing miserably - miraculously fell into place hours before.

i have seen glimmers of acceptance this week after passing my two month mark in Guatemala that have made my heart leap, including the gift of a newly taken group CASAS photo from a teacher, the very one with which i was sure i would have the hardest time building rapport.

if there is one thing i do not lack here in guatemala is is constant surprises, and continual chances to be humbled. not a bad combination for God to show his stuff.