Guatemala Untitled

2009-07-19T22:51:00.007-06:00

hi all.

an update: just here to say, the final word is in...and...

i'm headed back to texas!

this time to work with waco habitat for humanity (http://www.wacohabitat.org/) for a year through the americorps volunteer program - learn a little construction, and stay connected to all the good folks at the farm and at the billingual church there. my future boss actually attends the church and invited me to apply, and he along with other folks at habitat have connections to hope fellowship church and/or the farm, so i know a good number already.

i am really looking forward to this rejuvination year. continuing relationships already started. delving more into those farm library books on composting, beekeeping, herbal medicine, "two ears of corn" in spanish, i never got around to reading.

it will be a good time to put my hands to something useful while sorting out what the future may hold next. i am looking forward to learning a few skills i have been meaning to learn in construction/general-handyperson-ness. hopefully i will also get out to the farm fro time to time and get to don a cool spaceperson suit and learn some beekeeping, since it was a goal i never got around to that this spring. hmmm....we'll see how good i get at biking. 8 miles each way, farm to downtown waco. texas heat. we'll see.

so i guess that concludes this life chapter. thanks again for tuning in, letting me bubble over, hurt, celebrate, summarize, remember and process in this space. here's hoping we can keep keeping in touch (preferrably in a two-way fashion!) in other more personable communication realms. :)

here's to what life holds in store for us next.

cheers, friends.

- s

the farm - april & may 2009

2009-06-22T17:34:00.011-06:00

knowing that an abrupt jump back to reside for the summer in michigan would result in a severity of culture shock i feared i would be unable to withstand without breaking, a perfect opportunity came into my path to spend time at the world hunger relief farm in rural, elm mott, texas.

world hunger relief is a christian training farm for those interested in learning hands-on skills in organic agriculture and sustainable rural community development, internationally and domestically. volunteers and interns assist in the community-supported agriculture "CSA" garden, in the goat milk dairy, in free-range egg and beef production, urban garden initiatives and in hosting educational tours and groups who come to learn for a day or a week about world poverty issues, sustainable and organic farming, and local small-scale food production.

essentially through keeping up the CSA, dairy, free range eggs, etc, we are learning about basic methods that a rural community in a developing country context can provide for their basic essential food needs through family or community plots and small animal production (goats, rabbits, chickens).

the farm allowed me to stay connected to a circle of people involved in development work, and a local billingual spanish-english house church helped keep me connected to the latin american community.

at the farm we planted, weeded and harvested the csa garden...

took care of the free -range chickens and collected eggs...

cleaned out our composting toilets!

took care of the very pregnant goats...

til they started "kidding". then we named the babies and helped with bottled feeding.

which, with only a couple babies was no big deal...but as more and more were born, got to be quite a production!

baby goats love the banjo!

then there was milking (probably my favorite chore)

and taking care of the baby chicks and the rabbits....

and in our "off duty" there was time to spend fun times together...

and pick lovely texan wildflowers...

and eat yummy salads we picked from the garden with goat cheese we made from our milk.

and discover we have a pomogranate tree!

and of course visit with the baby goats who provide hours upon hours of free entertainment.

so that was the farm. a perfect place to transition back into the U.S. and start to learn a bit about small-scale organic agriculture and international rural development work in preparation for possible future paths.

and with this entry, i conclude the blog "guatemala untitled." thanks for tuning in and sharing the highs and lows of these past two years in guatemala - for your prayers, comments, thoughts, and encouragement that helped me make it past the rough spots.

and thanks to those of you who suggested i do this "blog" thing in the first place, despite my mumblings and initial refusals, i think it did serve as a good space to debrief and reflect, in addition to stay connected to you in a space that could provide a bit more depth than two-page quarterly letters allow for.

as i prepare for a year-long volunteer assignment state-side (to start approx Sept 2009) i will consider whether to start a new blog. if i do, i'll be sure to post a link!

i have loved getting reconnected to some of you now, since returning to michigan for the summer. blessings to you all in all you do, wherever you are in the world. keep in touch!

goodbyes - march, final week

2009-06-22T17:00:00.007-06:00

goodbye to semilla and casas program friends and co workers....

who gave me a "depidida" (going away party)

and to the friendly couple who greeted me each day from their food stand when i headed to work.

and to my former host family (and dear friends) carlos, sylvia, citlali, itzel, rocio, janser and ricky, who helped me adjust to life in guatemala and learn spanish in my first couple months.

and to buds alex, dennis and davis, who took me out to one last night of grilled street food before a relaxing evening of witty jabs and guitar-playing attempts.

and teary goodbyes to mcc co-workers before they boarded their bus for meetings in coban.

and a sleep-over and movie night my last night in guate with mcc bosses daughters nataly and melany (the female-colombian versions of my brothers matt and ben, i swear it!)

and one last goodbye to my colorful, sunny pad...

adios, que nos veamos pronto guatemala.

goodbyes - march, week three...

2009-06-22T16:27:00.005-06:00

week three sent me to costa rica to visit my cousin, ashley, a peace corps worker working in an indigenous reservation there.

it was so good to visit with ashley. she put up with a lot of my complaining about the heat and humidity. (i lived in a spring-like temps area of guatemala, so am now a wimp for temperature extremes). but we found ways to insert silliness and icecream into our days to help us cope :).

we did a lot of catching up with each other, as a 7 year age gap kept us out of each other's radars until now. but with time's way of diminishing age gaps, we have now found out we are not only peers, but good friends!

and i am so grateful to God that we were given each other as family to share these similar paths and passions together.

goodbyes - march, week two

2009-06-22T15:22:00.007-06:00

the second week of march i spent visiting fellow mcc-er david in his placement community of nebaj.

the nebaj area is a beautiful section of the western highlands of guatemala - a remote region with striking scenary and a remarkable, warm and resiliant people who have survived horrific atrocities of guatemala's 36 internal armed conflict. governement-led massacres in the 80s especially, hit this region's mayan communities the most, and has touched every surviving person in some way.

david was gracious enough to let me just follow him around his daily work in the communities and it was easy to enjoy the natural beauty around us.

nebaj was a time for me to see a new part of guatemala without being the "guide". it was a wonderful learning experience and a time of mental rest. david, a fellow introvert, was very understanding and accomadating to my needs to just have time to slow down, think, and soak in. and it was great to hang with david on his turf since i am most used to MCCers coming to the capital for meetings where I live, and don't get out as often to the communities where they live.

so, if you're looking for some beautiful remote villages and some lovely mountainous hiking, and you find yourself in guatemala, head west.

goodbyes - march, week one...

2009-06-22T14:07:00.007-06:00

march was my final month in guatemala. i decided to spend a month in guatemala/central america for a time of goodbyes and visits after wrapping up with semilla and mcc the end of february (see last post).

the first week of march, a good friend and former co-worker from michigan, sharon, traveled to guatemala with her college-age son nick and we had a remarkably hitch-free week visiting communities around guatemala.

it was great to have some "intersection" in my life - people from "back home" who were able to come and connect with the new life i had in guatemala.

my life has many beautiful people, places and experiences in it, but more and more often no intersection between them. so life becomes compartamentalized, places and experiences isolated, and me feeling ultimately alone, without anyone to co-remember and reflect on these people and places once I (re)enter the next place.

so it did my heart good to have friends from michigan who came and bridged two of my worlds; who can help me remember - and grieve - the loved ones and places i have now left behind in guatemala. and keep life at least a little less disjointed.

final months in guate - with mcc and semilla

2009-06-01T17:00:00.007-06:00

jan and feb marked my last two months with mcc and semilla seminary in central america. months included working with semilla's board and rector on an organizational restructuring project. (not really something you take a picture of ;)!)

january 2009 also included regional meetings and retreat in nicaragua for mcc workers placed throughout the central american region. it was an 18 hour busride from guatemala, but worth it...

back in guatemala, saw off the last casas group of my tenure in guatemala (pictured here with the casas spanish teachers and adminstrative staff)....

and then, in february, semilla held its 25th anniversary and conferences:

there were some other misc fun times had as well , but having trouble with pic loading now, so will try in next post!

stay tuned!

peace,

a michigan christmas

2009-06-01T16:31:00.010-06:00

once my position transitionted from CASAS director to assisting the seminary rector and board on a variety of projects, i had a more manageable workload and was able to finally take a vacation.

so, i opted to head north in dec for a blustery michigan christmas, and to catch up with friends and family...

1) to friend rachel zystra's cd release gig in chicago and wyce performance in grand rapids:

2) to see brett and sara pre and post baby ezra:

3) to hang with nuclear and extended fam:

4) reconnect with old friends carrie and crystal back in ludington:

5) and to play in the ice and snow (found out brother matt is pretty much a professional iceskater now!):

being home was a great time to spend doing normal family things and just enjoying being a sister, daughter and friend.

after christmas, headed back to guatemala...stay tuned for next post on Jan-Feb 2009 back in Central America...

Recapping the past six months....

2009-06-01T16:18:00.002-06:00

it's been a dry spell here on the 'ole blog.

so here's my attempt to recap a bit of how the last six months have gone:

- a michigan christmas (Dec 2008)

- MCC/SEMILLA work highlights (Jan-Feb 2009)

- guatemala goodbyes (Feb-March 2009)

- a guatemala visit from friends sharon and nick (March 2009)

- a visit to the ixil indigenous communties of nebaj, fellow MCCer david's placement site

- a visit to cousin ashley, in her peace corps placement in an indigenous reservation in costa rica (March 2009)

- a two- month transition in texas, as a live-in volunteer at world hunger relief, a sustinable organic farm and training site for folksinterested in rural international development/missions, urban gardening, and organic, community-supported agriculture farms (CSA's)

i'll keep the explanations basic, and just let the pics speak for themselves.

enjoy.

and thanks for tuning in.

~ s

happy day ´o the dead to you

2008-11-15T15:20:00.008-06:00

throughout latin america, there are a variety of ways to celebrate all souls day, or "dia de los muertos" ("day of the dead"), as it is referred to in guatemala.

essentially, it is a day to remember ancestors and loved ones who have passed on. cemeteries transform into a huge festival/family reunion.

flower vendors offer piles of assorted blooms in vibrant hues, to be placed in the cubbies and stone vases that adorn loved ones´resting places.

food vendors offer elote asado (grilled corn on the cob with lime and salt, my personal fav); fiambre - an elaborate salad piled high with vegetables, boiled eggs, cold meats; sweet glazed donut holes, pupusas (a borrowed traditional salvadoran stable - grilled cheese stuffed corn tortillas, with pickled cabbage and tomato salsa), ice cream in bell-trimmed carts, and a myriad more.

children beg for balloons from the balloon vendors, while adults whisper prayers and private conversations to names on mausoleums, or mounds of earth. gravesites are sprinkled with flower petals and long, fragrant pine needles, and the favorite foods of the deceased arranged and shared in an annual family picnic.

in the community of santiago sacatepuquez, there is an additional tradition, for which they are well-known, in these parts anyway: the flying and display of elaborate, hand- made kites.

the symbolism of kite-flying is easy to grasp: the kites commune in the heavens with the spirits of ancestors and loved ones who have passed.

here are some pics:

hundreds of kites in various sizes sport intricate tissue paper designs, mimicking the traditional patterns in woven guatemalan cloth.

a variety of youth and community associations also gather together to make large and xtra-large a kites with social statements: about rebuilding and peace after war, caring for the natural creation, faith in god, uniting as a community to overcome current-day exploitation by mines, multi-national corps, and Spanish Conquest-descended plantation owners.

ready for take-off:

then there´s the big-daddies. these kites are display only. and require careful, complicated and athletic assembly by teams of 20 young men.

first, there is the unfolding of the enormous kite:

then comes the assembly of huge bamboo "logs" to make a frame the kite is fastened to :

then comes the lifting, with rope and pulley system:

and if all goes right, you´ve got an upright impressive masterpiece. if it doesn´t, you hear the bamboo crack, and watch the 20 young men scramble to lower the kite before it fully buckles, and then haul in the replacement bamboo, tape and ropes. and give ér a second try.

and eventually, with several teams of ambitious folks, you get a decked-out cemetery that looks like this:

and that´s how you celebrate nov 1st.

cheers.

Back from the Mountains

2008-10-23T17:17:00.013-06:00

amidst the self-centered melodrama i have been mostly littering here, some lovely times with the people and natural beauty of guatemala have attempted to re-ground me.

here are some pics from a mini-stint to the mountainous department of San Marcos serving as a helper for the logistics of the CASAS group that headed out there with our "green" prof to hear from communities about their experiences with mining companies, family migration to mexico and the u.s., their experience of hurrican stan in 2005, and the rebuilding efforts since then to preserve and protect the beauty that is both the nature and the social and cultural richness of their communities.

our first stop was the community of comitancillo, where prof adrienne and her family lived working with a community development agency there for five years inthe 90s. the org and community are thriving, working in new organic agricultural techniques, creative cooking-nutrition classes, and organizing against the goldcorp mining company that wreaks havoc on their and neighboring communities - with diseases from mining contamination in the rivers and soil, cracked home walls from the explosions and huge dump trucks carrying rock and debris, loss of water sources and biodiversity, displacement of their homes, ancestrial burial grounds, and lives to other locations for the mine´s expansion, not to mention the depressing eyesore an enormous open-pit mine leaves behind.

we then traveled on to La Vega del Volcan. fellow mcc-er Nate has his placement working there and other tiny communities in the tucked-away mountain slopes of San Marcos, working with Caritas, a Catholic relief and development agency.

in La Vega and other communities in San Marcos, they are primarily working in food security and economic development, or in lay terms, in methods to increase nutrient-rich food production (in this case trout and mushrooms) and cultivating income-generating, environmentally-friendly projects in a community cooperative - where the community comes together to bring their products to market, and shares part of the economic benefit for community goals/projects and eventually to start a little cooperative store. (The extra trout and mushrooms, as well as roses).

the communities of San Marcos make it hard not to idealize rural communities and rural life in Guatemala. we stayed in La Vega, a community only accessible by 4x4 pickup, horse or foot, high up in the western highland mountains.

GREEN. is the first of two initial impressions. everything is so green. and there was water everywhere - little streams and rivers, clean, cold.

LOVE. is the second. people so warm, humble and hospitable. full of energy and hope to make their community the best it can be. filled with a faith that is pure. the bible passages of valleys and mountains, and god´s daily provision, his love and concern for the poor, all come alive in a place and people who´s lives and stories mirror exactly this.

and so we listened. to a first community story via a tour over boulders and nature-rerouted rivers. 2005. hurricane stan. the hurricane sent constant heavy rain for days. the mountaintops gave way, and avalanches of huge boulders, entire trees, mud and water rushed down, killing some, sending the rest to seek safety, and later to assess the damage that once was their community.

in a community already isolated by nature´s terrain, in "normal" times malnutrition and scare resources are a reality that come from being hours by foot from the nearest main road, reliant on what the mountainous slopes can provide in harvest time. hurricanes, heavy rains, drought - a year´s food supply is washed away in minutes, along with homes, farming tools, animals, and in some cases loved ones.

we stayed with families in this green paradise. trying to imagine what it must have been like to see the mountain slopes give way. where would you go? the community is in a basin - about a hundred simple brick, wood or tin homes with mud floors, completely surrounded by mountains. if one slope gave way, you would have to rush to the other, and hope it that it didn´t.

the community spoke of thier hope - of their reforestation projects and environmental preservation efforts - planting small trees on the slopes the most vulnerable to future mudslides. they recognized that their home was set in a natural paradise, one of the few that are rapidly disappearing from their country and the planet. a huge verdant lung that they desire to care for, so it can continue providing oxygen for life, and tranquility for the soul - not just for their community and animals, but the city dwellers and visitors normally residing in their concrete jungles.

they proudly showed us their fish tanks where they were raising trout that would provide their families much-needed protein and also a source of incomes, sold down the next mountain ridge in restaurants in mexico.

they talked about what it takes to make ends meet - about generations of seasonal migration to mexico as whole families during coffee season to earn enough cash to make it until their own little harvest of corn and beans.

and how when that was no longer enough, told of the sons, mothers, daughters, fathers, who carried the hope of their entire families -- a family-appointed pilgrim, risking pooled savings and the boarder-crossing perils of muggings, rapes, raging rivers, dry expanses of desert, carrying hope of finding a job as a dishwasher, a day laborer, a custodian-- so that they could send money back that could buy food staples, pay for a sister´s elementary education, rebuild a lost home.

and they showed us proudly to their community school, where they collectively pay a handful of teachers to make the trek in each week to teach elementary through middle school classes.

we feasted on fresh trout in the afternoon, and in the evening, the community arranged a party and bonfire for us - each one presenting him or herself, welcoming us, blessing us, a community band came and played their guitars and trumpets for us, we ate steamed "elote" (fresh corn on the cob) and hotdogs and "smores" fixings we had brought in our packs.

in the morning , we set out early. our contracted pickup didn´t come - the one that was supposed to take us to the top of the mountain ridge, where we would then hike the 2-3 hours out towards the main road. so we added another couple hours in the ascent.

(still climbing up. - note starting place, the community below...) but as tiring as the 5 hour-ish hike was, it was breathtaking.

i couldn´t how many climates we passed through - starting at 4000+ meters of cold damp air, and and then steadily warming as we descended on the windy mountain ridge paths and through the shades of green - first were the pines, potato farms and sheep at the highest altitude, giving way to cloud forests and mountain flowers as we descended a bit, which opened into some surprising tall grasses and small corn plots, which later opened to air like a warm, wet blanket and tropical flowers and foliage.

(we found some rain, and then some temp shelter. )

it was a good douse of beauty for my tired soul. the love, hope and well-determined and holistic priorities of a humble people with healthy relationships to god. family. a united community. their green garden plots. the mountains. streams. animals.

what could i say, but thank you.

Waiting for Godot

2008-10-10T17:49:00.004-06:00

Who reads this, I wonder to myself. As a friend of once bloggers who then fell off the face of the earth, I know the trend pretty much goes that once someone stops posting regularly, the few who were once reading dwindle to none.

But since there is still one hard core person out there, asking for an update, here it goes.

The update is that I still don´t have an update. Let´s call this Waiting for Godot, my-life style. I would like to tell you I have been waiting with grace and confident faith and all of that. That would be a lie. There have been moments like that. But there has also been fed-up frustration with not knowing, and what seem like countless scenarios where I focus my last energies and final shreads of sanity promising myself that the next blessed meeting will result in an answer. And nothing.

So I don´t bother to write you. Because who wants to hear that scenario over and over? I can hardly stand to write it. I want to give you an actual answer. I want to give myself an actual answer.

Blek. Moving on.

The last two days I have been able to take my mind off of some of this in part attending the 3rd Social Forum of the Americas, which is held ever two years in a different country in the American continents, and conveniently this time around it not only is being held in Guatemala, but in Guatemala City where I live, and a mere 15 min down the street from my apt by bus in low traffic.

Here´s the link:
http://www.forosocialamericas.org/index.php.en

It has been a good time to listen, to think, to see people from all over the Americas - Bolivia, Brazil, Peru, El Salvador, Nicaragua, Mexico and more - all working to make the world a more just place to live for all. I have been particularly interested in attending the forums and talks related to indigenous communities and rural communities. Went to a talk on how some Mayan communities are using the traditional methods of Community Consultations to vote collectively on big issues facing their communities - like the impacts mining would bring.

See ¨Sipakapa no se vende (Sipakapa not for Sale)¨ video links on Utube (I think there are several that make up the whole video, here is one chunk):

http://es.youtube.com/watch?v=6-hmX942t14

Some representatives from the communities from the video shared with us this experience and how they are using the tool to exercise indigenous rights claimed to be present in international policies (however, rarely followed) to have a say in what sorts of damaging industries are set up in their backyard.

I also attended a debate on bio-fuels. Essentially exploring the question of if it is the salvation we have been looking for to keep up with our ridiculous consuming of fossil fuels and consumerism in general, or if its risks and bad consequenses outweigh the good.

I was once sold on the bio-fule idea. It sounds so earthy and sustainable. But turns out that it has a range of bad consequenses that the poor and the rural dweller have to again take the bullet for, and it doesn´t ask the northern countries (US, Canada; europe) to also take some responsibility and change our lifestyles of luxuary. Maybe one day I´ll write more on agro-fuels, but I´ll leave it there fore now and maybe you will be curious enough to do some research on it.

Also went to a talk last night on the US presidential elections and what potential impacts the two possible administrations would have on Latin America. Interesting stuff.

And just got done watching a few indigenous videos - from Brazil, Guatemala, Mexico - taking a variety of themes like the forced work (de facto slavary) of Gold mining/destruction of natural habitat and native peoples (Brazil), Repression of the teachers strike in Oaxaca and women´s roles in popular movements (Mexico), manipulation of political parties/oppression of coffee plantations/loss of indigenous identity in youngest generation (Guatemala), a video of the dying "ice-harvester¨ vocation of a man in the ice-capped mountains of Ecuador who chisles big blocks of ice from the mountains, wraps them painstakingly with dried grasses to insulate them, and loads them onto his donkíes for the decent to then deliver them to cafes in the valley town who use it in their drinks claiming its health and superior taste to commercially-produced ice. And with that, I will abruptly finish.

So there´s AN update, even if it isn´t THE update. :)

2008-08-16T15:08:00.006-06:00

lest everything i write seem a downer. i should say that three days ago i had a great day. random things seemed to be coming together.

potential helper people came out of the woodwork offering to help in busy times coming up in a few months when i´m not around anymore.

had good conversations with fellow co-workers, which helped to give those spaces for clarifying that i care about them and the program and rebuilt our relationships after the big news.

watched merging ideas come together - suggestions or ideas that had been tossed around and considered from one source coming together with independant ideas from another - for ways to better the program in the future (i dig it when that happens).

and had a meeting with an anthropologist friend who wanted to share his plan to start a foundation that will blend holisitc community development programs with indigenous social and cultural preservation - through community-based museums (rather than having all the "artifacts" go to the "big city" out of indigenous communities) and preservation of sites and spaces significant to indigenous communties, recording of oral traditions, etc.

i was inspired - by this guatemalan wanting to use his training and his understanding of the injustices in his country in this way.

i was blessed - by the timing God´s mercy to give me this glimpse of the vision and passion he has instilled in others, especially when i am in such a low spot, and can´t even imagine having to figure out something to cook for dinner, let alone how i should change the world.

i was encouraged - by david´s inquring as to whether i would be interested in helping the foundation get started. again, a good salve to this extended period of feeling worthless and ill-equipped for the work and opportunities god has given me here.

i left making no promises. i summarized my shortcoming in my current job to clarify what i shouldn´t do. told david i could not commit to anything now besides this kind of talking through ideas. that my first prioroty is waiting for meetings with mcc and semilla to see if there is a way to salvage the second year and a half of my contract. david said ok, i´ll wait.

if nothing else, it could be a way to calm my mind´s worry that in days i will be out of a vocation and a plan. i can´t necessarily say that david´s foundation is the next step. that mcc won´t work out. but my level of anxiety over leaving guatemala has been fairly crippling. before this meeting, i had made up my mind that if my contract is cancelled, i´ll stay in guatemala til the savings run out. this may have only just been a celestial tranquilizer to keep me from freaking out. and even if that´s all, i´ll take it.

Getting right to the point...

2008-08-08T16:44:00.004-06:00

Today we made the formal announcement that I am resigning from the Director position in the CASAS program effective the end of August.

My whole self has been so, so tired for months now. The discussions started in February.

And now, while hoping to be experiencing some relief at getting the message out, instead I feel like a traitor. One teacher just passed by my office to say goodbye before the weekend – half jokingly he said “You don´t want to see us anymore, huh?”

And those I worked with the most closely every day in the logistics of groups? – I feel like I owe a further explanation, but I am tongue -tied. Do they question all the trust they put in me? Will they be more closed off with me from here on out? Have I only added one more wound and difficult transition to the long line of director turnover that the program has suffered? I was supposed to come to help make things better. I now say that in leaving I hope to make things better. I feel like in going or in staying I have made things worse.

My Spanish failed to properly convey what I hoped today - I intended to say that I want to serve well. That unfortunately, my gifts don´t fit the role of director. I therefore fear to continue, because I want what is best for the program, the staff, the students. And that personally, seeing myself fail at properly filling the role has been devestating when all I want is the best for staff, students, the program. That in the end it took all I had to give just to do a few things right and well, and that isn´t enough. ThatI believe in CASAS and hope that MCC and SEMILLA are able to identify a non-leadership role that may be a better fit.

At one time, this decision seemed not only like the only one, but also a good one. Now I still feel like it is the only one, but today when the Seminary Rector wanted to pray for me admist the department staff – for my health, for peace in my heart, for whatever comes next, I could hardly stand there. Can we just pray for the program?, I tried to ask. I just felt like such a traitor. Poor Shannon and her hard job. Is that what this is? If that´s it, suck it up!, keep going.

Perhaps it is just my pride that is hurt. Perhaps I want to frame this in a selfless act of courage. That I am thinking of the program only. Leave guilt free.

What next? I don´t know.

I look at my life, my cheery yellow kitchen and green living room, the faces of my community and coworkers, of Karen, Lucy, Ishi and the teachers, of Willi, and Doñas Juana, Ernestina and Eudelia, at the colorful Guatemalan bills as I exchange them for fresh pineapples, avacados, bananas, tomatoes.

I feel the morning kisses of greeting on the cheek, the damp, cool air of faithful afternoon rains in rainy season, taste the comfortable familiarity of black beans, tamalitos with chipilin and loroco wrapped in a banana leaf. The routine of filtering water, hanging clothes to dry, taking my feet or buses anywhere I go.

I am now becoming a spectator to it all – watching myself go about the daily things. In a strange limbo of : Do I start disconnecting now? Or will something work out that I can stay, but fit in a different role?

There is a song by my one of my cuz Jo´s favorites, Sara Groves. I think Lorraine digs her too. For those who understand biblical references to the Israelites, this may make more sense. It was a good entering song when I first was moving here and the metaphor worked cleanly (i.e. Egypt/Past = Old life in Michigan/fam/friends; Future= Guatemala).

But now ´home´ isn´t such a cleanly explained concept. Now Egypt and the Promised Land are all mixed up - roles, countries, communities, languages, identities...

Here it is...

I don't want to leave here I don't want to stay
It feels like pinching to me, either way
And the places I long for the most
Are the places where I've been
They are calling out to me
Like a long lost friend

It's not about losing faith
It's not about trust
It's all about comfortable
When you move so much
And the place I was wasn't perfect
But I had found a way to live
And it wasn't milk or honey
But then neither is this

chorus:
I've been painting pictures of Egypt
I've been leaving out what it lacks
The future feels so hard
And I wanna go back

But the places that used to fit me
Cannot hold the things I've learned
And those roads were closed off to me
While my back was turned

The past is so tangible I know it by heart
Familiar things are never easy to discard
I was dying for some freedom
But now I hesitate to go
I am caught between the Promise
And the things I know

chorus

If it comes to quick
I may not appreciate it
Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?
And if it comes to quick
I may not recognize it
Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?

meet my new roommate

2008-03-15T15:53:00.016-06:00

sometimes with weeks like these, you head out for dinner and find yourself taking a new kitty home.

meet my new roommate.

matt (my bro) will appreciate this one.

my neighbor nate (fellow mccer, but admittedly not a cat admirer) saw her in action last night and christened her "spazma."

i will not accept that!

but i will have to accept that i am now one of those people who posts pics of their pet as if they were a newborn human infant.

i think her name is shiloh. a name that popped into my head as nate was leaving.

so i just checked the meaning and it is:

shiloh -

"resting place;"

a word with similar meaning to the hebrew shalom -meaning "(holistic) peace."

yep. that's sounds like the message that must be being sent.

while we´re waiting

2008-03-08T15:31:00.017-06:00

just killing time til i have more news.

here are some pics from a via crucis (stations of the cross) activity that we participated in with the emu students yesterday.

for the non-catholics among you, the stations of the cross corrospond to various "steps" that christ took in the passion leading up to resurrection day, including judgement of pontious pilot, when jesus stumbles, when he is helped to carry the cross, etc.

various orgs and schools participate in the via crucis activity headed up by centro atencion al migrante, a catholic migrant-support and advocacy org with branches in guatemala, honduras and the mexian/us border. in their version of the via crucis, each org is to relate the "station"/with the situation of the migrant.

the seminary, and consequently the students, were assigned "jesus is crucified," and so were to relate that to the migrant´s experience.

we came up with a photo drama - each student would show a photo, read the caption on the back, and hand it over to be stapled to the cross.

"Jesus is crucified when social injustice forces families to separate in migration."
"Jesus is crucified when social injustice forces families to separate in deporation."

"Jesus is crucified when we build physical boarders."
"Jesus is crucified when we construct boarders of discrimination."

"Jesus is cruficified when other countries create economies that rely on the migrant´s labor, without providing a legal means to contribute it."
"Jesus is crucified when other countries want to enjoy our (read by Guatemalan) music and food, but don't us ourselves within their country."

"Jesus is crucified when the migrant risks his/her life in searching for a better life."
"Jesus is crucified when the migrant dies trying."

yep, i`m here

2008-03-02T13:40:00.004-06:00

hi. i`m here.

i just wanted to break the silence to thank all of you who have been praying and sending me little messages of encouragement at the nudging of my cuz.

don`t have much news yet, but i should know somthing more this week.

i will just say for now, that there has been at least one potential miracle/piece of the answer in some of this.

yes, i am being purposefully vague! sorry if that is frustrating. i should have both more answers and more freedom to share them soon.

thanks for being such a support.

-sm

confession

2008-01-23T18:25:00.000-06:00

i feel like i have to quit.

too tired, too stressed, too behind all the time, too inadequete for the levels of responsibility, compassion, wisdom I would need to have to do my job well.

every day ends with the same exhausted body - a pattern of work, bed, work. which wouldn´t be so hard to live with if at the end of each day i didn´t still have lists of "to do" hardly dented. people waiting for answers, documents, meetings. students, staff, our board. tomorrow we start staff evals. god help me. i am no where near prepared to start those. and i have no motivation to carry me through the night to fininsh the preparations. again, all i can think of is bed.

today a new student asked me about how it was making friends here. i tried not to laugh, and to give an answer that wasn´t as stark as "who has time for friends." it´s not that i feel a lack of friends. in that sense, i am blessed to be an introvert and don´t require much in that regard.

but time to think, to feel, to feel like a human being again. this i miss.

i am crumbling.

i feel like i have to quit.

i will do my best not to.

but please don´t disown me if i do.

May God bless you with tears...

2008-01-20T13:56:00.000-06:00

This world is screwed up.

And I am at war with myself.

My job is to know. To know the story behind the story - of the way the world was, of the way it is, at least as it relates to the context of Guatemala. It is a story riddled with pain, injustices, savvy cover-ups and glaring hypocrisy. If this is what learning brings, I am not sure I can take anymore of it.

I vacillate between weeping helplessness, at times teetering dangerously near cynicism, to a stoic delivery of the facts: "and over here is where Bishop Gerardi was assassinated in his parish home by smashing his head in with 18 blows of a brick two days after releasing the Recovery of Historical Memory Project report, a 1500 page testimonial account of civilian massacres and killings suffered at the hands of the state duing the 36 year internal conflict."

Last night with a group of students I showed Discovering Dominga, a video I should have watched by now, one of many that the program owns and that we show to student groups. It is a video tracing the former life of a young woman, now known as Denise, but formerly as Dominga.

Dominga was a young girl in Rabinal, one of the 400+ indigenous Mayan communities massacred by the Guatemalan army during the years of La Violencia, ("The Violence") . As her parents, aunts, uncles, neighbors were being snatched up by the army, later tortured and killed, she fled with her baby sister on her back. High into the mountains, for days without food, trying to keep her baby sister alive by squeezing berry juice in her mouth. But she couldn´t.

Dominga was eventually found by a group of nuns at at orphanage, and sent to live with a new family in the U.S. Years later, a mother now of two young boys, married to a white-bred Mid-west Iowan, she is overtaken by memories, the desire to know her Mayan people, remaining relatives, to ask and learn what happened, to find the remains of her parents, and give them a proper burial.

She travels to Guatemala several times, and you watch her identity be thrown into a state of crisis. She has forgotten Achi, her native language. But she remembers he mother, the way she smelled the cloth in the market. She remembers how to wrap a corte around her waist and make beautiful round tortillas. She remembers fishing with her father - the way he cast out the net and the would bring home buckets of silver fish.

Scenes cut to she and her husband researching the cause of the 36 year civil war in Guatemala. They find that Guatemala had a peaceful, democratically elected government in place. They learn that the US CIA staged a coup and put in a military government. That the generals who lead the massacres, kidnappings, tortures and extra-judicial killings were US School of the America trained.

They begin to share this and Dominga´s double-life with their church. Parishioners where understandable horrified - why didn´t we know that our government what implicated in this?

My mind cut back to Iraq, to Israel and Palastine, to Colombia. Will we say the same in 20 years? We didn´t know that we were so involved in the killing of innocent people. In placing dictators in power. How could this have happened? And how could we have supported it?

Her heart breaks and you watch it happen. No, does not break. Is crushed. You see scenes of her limp body draped over the ground, weathered hands of stranger-relatives caressing her hair, lighting a fire and candles near her on the soil of her people, praying ancient prayers of mourning for the dead. How could this have happened to innocent people? My parents? Who am I?

The content of my work, the context of this place, I fear for the two extremes of what is could bring. I fear on the one hand that it may destroy me like Dominga, smashing my heart to pieces, with the more I learn cutting me off more from places and people who once were home, leaving me limp in mourning and despair, unsure of my place, certain of only the ache inside. Or on the other hand, harden and harden me, make me a talking head of facts and figures, unaffected by the legless man who begs as I cross the passarela, the bones of the slaughtered lying on forensic scientists tables as I translate the facts of a community´s massacre. I need both composure and a soft heart. I want to feel, but I am afraid.

Yesterday, a Presbyterian minister, who is also indigenous Mayan explained to our group the essence of his Mayan spirituality, which for him is compatible with his faith in Christ. Hearing him, I think it sounds more Christian than Christianity. He had a beautiful way of speaking -using metaphores, pictures, our Christian-ese would call it parables. At one point it took him repeating himself twice for me to understand and do my best to retain the beauty if his words while transfering them into English.

"Spirituality is to feel, it is to experience. It is not just to know. Look at this waterfall. You can see that is it beautiful. You can sand at the edge and say, that is beautiful. And that would be true. But get in. Let it cascade over your body. Now you truly know what beautiful it, for you have experienced it."

"The first step in Spirituality, knowing God, is letting yourself be marvelled by life and what is around you. The trees, the animals, the birds. Be marvelled."

"Then you cultivate it. Spirituality is not magic, it is not planting corn and then there is a harvest of corn. You plant, you nurture, you weed, you fertilize, you water, the sun comes, and then there is a harvest, fruit is born. So it is with Spirituality. "

"And if you cultivate this, it is like spending much time in the sun, in the light. So that when it becomes dark, you are not afraid or destroyed by it. You make it through the dark because you have the memory of the light, you have guarded the light in you for the dark times."

So this group of students just left today, and on their way out, one of their team leaders gave me a copy of a poem he had read, through tears the other day, as we left the Guatemala city garbage dump, with images of people scavenging through mounds of refuse, for bits to recycle and sell, salvage, repair. Afterwards, I asked him for a copy of it.

A Franciscan Benediction

May God bless you with discomfort
At easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships
So that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger
At injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people,
So that you may work for justice, freedom, and peace.

May God bless you with tears
To shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger and war,
So that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and
To turn their pain into joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness
To believe that you can make a difference in the world,
So that you can do what others claim cannot be done
To bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor.
Amen.

And as he left, I offered him my job.

Tis the season + Oct & Nov

2007-12-28T13:35:00.000-06:00

My guess is that my unfaithfulness to tack updates here means that the readership of two people has now plummeted to zero people. Alas. I will still post some pics here for posterity’s sake if for no other reason…

So here’s the Cliff’s notes version of the past few months…

October 2007:

Left Guatemala on Oct 19th for a 2 week, MCC “orientation” in lovely and quaint Akron, Pennsylvania, 6 months into my 3 year term. (The orientation session scheduled in April, pre-departure, would have been ideal, but it had been cancelled, thus, I was scheduled to head back to the US 6 months after the fact for my orientation!).

If nothing else, it was a good excuse to see some lovely fall colors and to meet some great people headed to every nook and cranny of the world.

The ladies– a USian, a German Canadian, a Paupa New Guinian and a Columbian were able to successfully finish the Aryan Jesus puzzle. Good job ladies. We talked about coloring him in a little to make him a bit more ethnically accurate, but alas, it was time to snack again.

Gave myself another whack-10- inches-off haircut. Thank goodness.

And had a mini-day trip from PA to NY to see my musically-gifted friend Rachel on an aptly-destined MCC sanctioned trip to NYC one Saturday during orientation. Rachel is pointing out her apartment building from the ? story of the Viacom building.

November 2007:

Immediately after MCC orientation, hopped on a flight to Chicago to embark on a 2.5 week visit in the US and Canada to promote the CASAS program with one of the CASAS Spanish teachers- Marta. (This is an annual part of my job I learned about after I came to Guatemala!)

We visited 12 universities, 5 churches, stayed with 8 families, had 25+ meetings, presented to 10 classes and logged 3500 miles in the rental car, driving from Chicago to Kansas, to Illinois, Indiana and Ohio, to Ontario, Canada, to Michigan, and back to Chicago. Next year I promise you I will not be so overzealous. It was muy cansado to say the least.

I have a powerpoint work presentation that I will next try to upload if it works. And it will go HERE.

We ended in Chicago two days before US Thanksgiving, so while Marta headed back to Guatemala, I was able to take the train to Grand Rapids, had a fun day with cuz Jolanda and met up with bro Mike to head home to Ludington for Thanksgiving. This was all an unexpected perk this year, as I left for the three years thinking I would not be back until 2010.

Anyway, home involved a few whirlwind days of …

A little card playing…

A little bowling…

A little bit of…well…my brothers and their antics:

A first attempt at making a turkey solo (no pics, you+ll have to take my work for it!) and an extended fam Thanksgiving/Christmas.

And came back to Guate to a surprised-ly newly painted living and dining room courtesy of my dear MCCer counterparts!

December:
I’ll steal an excerpt from a letter back home that sets the December tone a bit…
If you’ve already read the letter, feel free to skip to the pics -

Christmastime prep in Guatemala City:
“Grocery stores begin filling with larger than average piles of papaya, pineapple, pears, raisins and prunes that will later be chunked and simmered in big pots with cinnamon to make the Guatemalan Christmastime beverage ponche. Ofertas (“sales”) boast “bargain” prices of 40 Quetzales (about $6) for 2 lb bags of imported Hershey’s chocolate chips. Piles of fruitcakes in estilo ingles (“British style”) find their place next to the typical pan dulces (sweet breads) in the bakery isle. The economically well-to-do reach for corn maseca to make tamales, timely fruits for ponche, along with a sampling of imported oddities, evidence of globalization hitting the grocery cart.

Neighborhood tiendas (tiny corner stores), pile stacks of firecrackers along store fronts and sprinkle the sidewalk with pine fir nettles. The senoras at the vegetable and tortilla stand do double duty filling orders for homemade tamales, employing the help of girls with strong arms and good balance to deliver heavy baskets filled with the banana-leaf wrapped Christmastime specialties – steamed corn flour filled with bits of chicken, tomato sauce, green olives, and prunes.

I watched all of this, feeling pushed out of my resident groove into again the role of spectator, as new sights, smells, sounds, and traditions took over the routine. At the seminary, we celebrated our annual Christmastime convivio (“gathering”), a morning of dinanmicos (group team building games), a devotional, going out to a restaurant for carne asada (grilled beef steak and chorizo sausage), exchanging gifts for our amigos secretos (“secret friends”) and receiving Christmas baskets filled with bags of dried black beans, rice, powdered milk, sugar, coffee, cooking oil, salt, and a bag of angelitos (“marshmallows”), and closed down the 15th of December to reopen the 2nd of January. Some businesses close for a full month.

In spite of an overwhelming quantity of work to plan for two University groups and the Spring semester all to take place in January, I took advantage of (fellow MCCer) Beth’s family being in the country to visit over Christmas to join them on a couple excursions the week leading up to Christmas– to the ancient Mayan ruins of Tikal in the Peten jungle and to Lake Atitlan, a crater lake formed by a collapsed volcanic cone, surrounded by volcanic peaks.”

So yes, took a mental health week and rested for a couple days on lovely Lake Atitlan – a crater lake formed by a collapsed volcanic cone, surrounded by lovely volcanic peaks…

And went to the ruins of the Ancient Mayan capital of Tikal in the Peten jungle with the family Peachy:

Beth and a half excavated temple

Our awesome guide Daisy:

Climbing up....and the view of the Peten jungle from atop the tallest climbable temple:

Random collection of Tikal shots ahead. Enjoy:

Daisy explained to us that the ancient Mayans used the rock that was readily availble to build most of their structures. Which in the case of Tikal, turned out to be limestone. Here it is crumbling in my hand. It is a wonder there are still ruins to see a couple thousand years later!

Passed through the nearby island of Flores and paid homage to one of Gallo’s hundreds of Christmas tree displays stationed around Guatemala (Gallo = “rooster” and is Guatemala’s national beer monopoly), before hopping on my 10 hour night bus back to the city.

Got home to the city and got a bug to get baking Midwest Christmas-style. So…

Made cookies…

And more cookies…

Christmas Eve night fell peacefully…

and then Christmas announced itself at 11:55pm with firecrackers and fireworks.

Another letter excerpt:
“I woke to a war zone, or so it seemed. I glanced at the clock. 11:55pm. Five minutes until Christmas.

I made it to the living room, plugging my ears as windows rattled and the blasts pounded in my chest. Out my windows, there was a literal panoramic display of fireworks – coming from rooftops all over the city and sending flashes of color to every inch of the sky. In the street, teens, kids, young men were setting off every type of noisemaking, light-producing firecracker know to human kind in the streets (all of which I am sure would be illegal in Michigan, perhaps in the entire US!). The streets filled with firecracker shrapnel and smoke.

By 2:30am the last of the firecrackers of the night had been set off, and I went back to bed, waking an hour later than usual at 7am, to another deafening and unusual sound – complete silence. The sun was bright and high in the sky, but there wasn’t a single pedestrian, water truck, bell-tousled ice-cream cart, newspaper seller, barking dog. Normally at this hour, it is a bustling street packed with people, vehicles, and vendors. I went to get ready, and came back to check on the status of the silence at 8am. Still all was at peace. At 9. Again, nothing. I started calling fam, and in the middle of the conversation with my sister, the silence was broken. It was 11:55am Christmas Day and apparently it was time for a firecracker reprise!”

Later in the afternoon, the Peachys made Pho (“Fuh”),Vientamese beef and rice noodle soup to truly mix up our ex-pat Christmas celebrations. Mmm… Pho…

Drank steaming fruit ponche (traditional Christmastime beverage with pineapple, pears, papaya, raisens and cinnamen) from my landlady, Dona Chonita:

And topped off the evening with a lively game of spoons and, yes, Christmas cookies…

The end.

Hope you had a wonderful Christmas and are on your way to a great New Year.

Over and out til 2008.

-sm

forensic anthropologists

2007-10-11T23:06:00.000-06:00

the other day i took our fall semester students to fafg-the forensic anthropology foundation of guatemala. (this npr link also has a mini slide show)

these are people who visit indigenous communities throughout guatemala, speaking with survivors, to aid in locating and digging up bodies piled in mass graves.

guatemala has a terrible recent history - 36 years of "the violence," begun by a CIA-led coup, when a u.s. trained and supported, guatemala army "disappeared," tortured and killed tens of thousands of guatemalans and massacred entire indigenous communities - men, women, children, elderly, infants when the word to blanketly justify such atrocities wasn´t our current-day "terrorism," but the generation-removed term "communism."

we waited as the armed guards checked my i.d. after a few minutes, they gave me the ok and we started in. it was hard to ignore the piles of empty wooden coffins that formed morbid columns banking the entrance.

we first watched footage of mass grave excavation. of wailing mayan women standing at the edge of an uncovered pit, wrapping their rainbow-colored woven shawls over their faces, as they caught glimpses of a telltale shred of clothing that put a name to the bones being uncovered as those of their husbands, mothers, neighbors, children.

laura led us into the forensic lab - rudementary by northamerican standards - where cardboard boxes of remains stood in piles to greet us - case numbers, names of villages printed in black marker. beyond the boxes, a dozen tables shrouded with blue sheets, and on them skeletons being painstakenly pieced together.

laura led us to the first table. "here is a heavy trauma victom. gunshots here in the bottom of the skull, here in the neck, here in the spine, the hip, the rib cage. here you can see lascerations in the chest area." we watched as she picked up the skull to show the bullet projectory. our eyes rested on the long slices in the bones of the rib cage - the work of a machete. we counted 9 bullet wounds.

we moved to a table with soil - covered indigenous women´s clothing, a huipil, a corte (mayan blouse and skirt), a hair cord, sandals, a woven baby blanket.

"here is a 30 year old women, and her baby. the woman was shot here in the head. the baby died 3 days later, we think of starvation, in her mothers arms."

we moved to another table.

"here we have the remains of at least 5 victims, as noted by the five right femers we have found. as you can see all show signs of fire damage." they were burned to death.

"here are the remains of a 2-3 year old. we can tell because the bones had just begun to fuse." we watched as she picked up pieces of the crushed toddler´s skull.

a social work masters student asked if the workers themselves had any support or counseling for their mental health withthe kind of work that they do. a smile from laura. "well, no. it doesn´t affect us like that. the more we see the more we are motivated to do our part to see that justice is done. to make sure this never happens again in our country."

as the students began to file out, i hugged alma and kissed her check - the traditional greeting. she was working on the case of the women and child. although i had only seen her 3 times before this, she seemed an old friend. "how are you?, " I asked as she carefully brushed the earth off of the tiny baby´s bones. "good. when are you going to start translating? you should have this down now" "next time, i think."

we made small talk. with the weight of brutal death all around.

i had fought the lump in my throat several times during our "visit" - my 4th time to this place with student groups. and i felt relief and gratefulness each time the tears welled up, each time i swallowed hard. it still impacted me as it should to see these things. next time, when i try the translation, i hope i have to stop to cry.

please god never let me become accustomed to this.

´nother team pic

2007-09-09T14:15:00.001-06:00

spent last weekend in altaverapaz for our quarterly team meetings.

did some planning, did some discussing, did some sharing about work placements.

but also did some looking around in a cave and walking to a waterfall.

balance is good.

anyway, here we are again.

amen is the same

2007-09-09T13:04:00.000-06:00

been pulling some late nights lately at CASAS. including two nights that i just cuddled up on the bench in my office and snagged a few z's before morning. i already know all the boundaries lectures i deserve - but you can spare them, as i give them to myself already.

but that´s not the point of this entry.

instead, i wanted to share with you the blessing that came with these late nights. time to share meals and conversation, pulled away from the work that will always demand attention, as part of an unlikely trio of dinner companions.

sebastian came to my door - "shannon, quieres comer con nosotros ? (would you like to eat with us?) he motioned over over to the semilary´s guest house comedor (dining room) where rigoberto was waving and smiling, pulling leftover spaghetti china (like chow mein) out of the microwave.

it was a welcome break.

so i made my way over and sat myself down as sebastian and rigoberto set the table, warmed the tortillas, poured the drinks, and served me first.

and we bowed our heads, and sebastian prayed for us in his mother tongue, german - giving thanks for the day, for our meal, for work to put our hands to, for friends to share a meal with, for shannon, for rigoberto. with an "amen" to close.

and we chatted - rigoberto, this mayan ke´kchi/ former soldier/turned pastor/ turned seminary doorman - about his daughter's recent birthday back in Altaverapaz (department 5 hours north of the city), that he was able to leave the seminary and the city to attend. about his english classes that he would start the next day to help him greet guests that come to the seminary and gueshouse speaking not a lick of spanish- he had hardly slept the night before he was so excited about starting class!

and we chatted- sebastian, this german student, finishing his masters in conflict resolution studies, and living at the seminary guesthouse while completing a 3 month internship with redpaz ("peace connection") in guatemala ( a peace education/conflict resolution training organization) - about the research he was doing. about his time studying in syria. about his kickboxing class. about whether he know any malburgs in germany. :)

we swapped our stories in spanish, our second or third or fourth language, but the one we all had in common.

and the next night...

rigoberto - this jack-of-all-trades/ guard/doorman, with a hospitable heart and a quick smile that welcomes all who enter semilla´s campus, came to my office window the next night...

"you are so beautiful" and gave me a shy, questioning look - "¿es corecto?" we laughed. he was practicing his english and wondered about his pronunciation and grammar, undoubtedly a phrase sebastian had put him up to. then he regained himself, "hermana shannon (sister shannon), quieres comer con nosotros otra vez anoche (again tonight)?"

sebastian was warming vegetable soup with wicoy (like a green potato), and doblados (fried corn tortillas folded over and stuffed with chicken and minced vegetables, topped with a red tomato sauce).

and we bowed our head, and rigoberto gave the blessing in ke´kchi. giving thanks for the day, his new class, friends to share meals with, family to share life with, work to put our hands to, for sebastian, for shannon. with an "amen" to close.

and we chatted, in spanish, commenting on the importance of family, and that we were being that to each other - all in our homes away from home, in a language not our own. and rigoberto sang as we washed dishes - worship songs he knew in ke´kchi, in spanish, in english, with his fluid tenor notes drifting into the early guatemalan darkness.

and i was stuck with a deep gratitude for these late nights. for time to be part of this unlikely trio: mayan ke´kchi former soldier, german masters student, and ex-pat gringa.

and as i cuddled up on my bench, and my mind began to slip into sleep, it rested a moment on the realization, and my lips smiled:

"amen" is the same.

all that´s left of my pobrecita camera

2007-08-18T08:15:00.000-06:00

i found a few photo files that were saved and survived my carelessness in chichicastenago on market day with a purse not well closed. new camera didn´t last more than a couple weeks in guatemala, now in someone elses´ loving possesion with pictures of some strange gringa and the things she thought were worth a photo. but the blame is on me for that one.

anyway, here is a a pictoral step back in time ...a mini chronicle of those first couple weeks...

akron, PA, for two days of making sure my paperwork was in order before shipping out of the states. i stayed in this snazzy guesthouse above all decorated like eastern europe. there´s a house decked out on the mcc campus for every continental region

got to guatemala. stayed with a host family for the forst couple months. my most frequent visitors below. both had their adorable methods of begging their way onto the bed while i was pouring over spanish homework.

visited fellow mccers in the rural communities of the ke´kchi people in the department of altaverapaz (true peace), including little ruth cahill, who is showing me her favorite ancient mayan artifact that she found in her backyard.

visited the bezeleel vocational school for indigenous ke´kchi youth. here are boys learning the art of tailoring....

visited indigenous mayan women near coban in altaverapaz who were happy to show the goats they had raised though joint program with mcc and heifer international. to fulfill their agreement with the program, to receive a gift of a goat, they must then give their firstborn healthy goat away to another community member, thereby sustaining the program and bettering the entire community.

visited the new land redistributinon project in betel, and tried on hats that carlos made.

visited the guatemalan city cemetary that shows, even in death, the stark contrast between the rich and the poor. ¨niches¨ to the right, are rented burial slots. as opposed to the masouleum of the castillo family, who has been part of guatemala´s oligarcyhy, in power for over 500 yeras, and currently holding the monopoly on beer and purified water in guatemala and the distribution of pepsi- related products.

after having lived 10 years in the dutch capital of the midwest, i didn´t expect my first ever pair of yes, wooden shoes, to come as a gift from my GUATEMALAN boss. note: he had just returned from a tour of europe to promote the seminary, so it sort of makes sense.

wandered around the former central american capital (when all of central america was one, couple hundred years ago), and the colonial guatemala capital of Antigua, snagging some pics of cathedral ruins...

and sadly, the end. . .

the dive

2007-07-12T17:54:00.000-06:00

and, i´m in.

no more leaning on the ¨i´m in the orientation phase¨ when my spanish fails me, when i don´t know what to do. i am now officially, though reluctantly, the person you´d go to if you were looking for the ¨directora¨ of CASAS, though i feel like i am looking for her too.

i´ve awkwardly worn this role for 2 weeks. and there are some battle scars to prove it - a harried, late night hospital visit with a sick student, 2 hours of sleep when i took my first stab at grading students´ reflection essays this week (not realizing the 8 hour time commitment ahead), cases of mis-communication North American-to-Central American style, including instigating waves of hurt feelings when i dove into a day´s work forgetting the proper round of individual greetings to build relational rapport are so, so important here in the Guatemalan workplace context.

i have prayed prayers of desperation when i look at the calendar and to do lists and wonder how on earth we could ever pull everything together in time for 3 overlapping student groups this summer. i have wanted to quit and for God to send someone else. i have found temporary haven behind the bathroom door when my fragile will was no match for the welling tears pushing their way past it.

but...

i have laughed. with Karen, Lucy, Edgar and Enrique. with Nate, Anabeth, Hillary, Allison. with Panchita, and Albertina and Rafael. and yes, at myself.

i have stood gaping in awe and heavenly gratitude when a major coordination disaster - another case of my skills in cross-cultural communication failing miserably - miraculously fell into place hours before.

i have seen glimmers of acceptance this week after passing my two month mark in Guatemala that have made my heart leap, including the gift of a newly taken group CASAS photo from a teacher, the very one with which i was sure i would have the hardest time building rapport.

if there is one thing i do not lack here in guatemala is is constant surprises, and continual chances to be humbled. not a bad combination for God to show his stuff.

Team Pic - Ain't we cute?

2007-06-11T14:53:00.000-06:00

So this is us! Plus a couple guests. Back...Carina (with pigtails, she's who's place I am taking as CASAS study abroad director for the Semilla seminary in Guatelmala), John (Tara & Rob's), our driver!, Melany and Nataly (Irma and Antony's daughters) Next 'row'...me, Gini & Travis (Betel land project), Nate (emergency Hurrican Stan relief and food security coordination), Tara (Bezeleel school and agriculture projects)Frontish...Ruth, (Tara and Rob's), Toby (HIV and AIDS prevention program in El Salvador, , Juan Pablo, (a local Guatemalan who hosted us during a trip to his rural community in San Marcos), our driver!, Beth (Music and Arts school for youth in the capital), Antony and Irma (Guatemala/El Salvador Country directors), Peter (blondy with Antony is R & T's), rob (Connecting Peoples rep, coordinates US-Canadian group learning tours or service-learning).

Taken right before we were headed back from our team meeting in San Marcos, the department on the northwest edge of Guatemala. Weirdly we crossed the Mexican border to get there, since vehicle worthy roads gave way to an hour hike into the community up into the wooded mountains. BEAUTIFUL place. Hope to get you some pics once I get some forwarded my way.

Great time connecting with fellow MCCers and sharing about our lives and work throughout Guate and El Salvador. Made some ugly, misshapen tortillas on the comal over the open fire with women from the community while they chuckled and patted perfect circles. Sang some songs outdoors together to candlelight and a passed around guitar. Ate yummy campo (countryside) food and chatted with community folks about their hopes for their community in the rebuilding, including the agriculture and fish farming food security projects Nate is helping to coordinate, after the 2005 hurricane wiped homes and farming plots from steep mountainsides in the mudslides.

The resilience of people here continues to amaze and inspire.

"Thank you for my hat"

2007-06-01T20:12:00.000-06:00

Bantioux lin punit.

Carlos was coaching me in my very first Mayan Kekchi sentence. He had just gifted me a handwoven straw hat, and I fumbled the strange words in my mouth while he laughed and corrected me. Carlos was happy for the visit and proud of his new hobby - having recently rekindled a craft that had been a lost part of his heritage from generations past. His wife Maria was rekindling a forgotten craft as well, weaving "backstrap" style.

Carlos is the appointed forest ranger for the fledgling Betel community, a new settlement of 16 families situated in a remote area in the cloudforests of the Northern Guatemalan department (i.e. state) of AltaVerapaz, alongside a forest reserve protecting among other natural beauty, the fast-disappearing national bird, the Quetzal. The families are part of a new land project funded by a local foundation, whereby formerly landless, displaced farmers are given the opportunity to buy a home plot and a farming plot at a fair price.

I was visiting fellow MCCers who were stationed in this and a neighboring community
in AltaVerapaz, learning about their work in the cool, green, rural highland
communities, where Kekchi, one of the 23 indigenous Mayan languages of Guatemala is spoken. Here, my limited Spanish did me little good, so I soaked in the new sounds of Kekchi and communicated as all humans can through smiles, thankful eyes and laughter. MCCers Gini and Travis, a my-ageish couple, who took me through the forest, proudly showed me their baby banana trees and how they rigged makeshift "plumbing" for a gravity flow shower in their rustic house where they lived among the Betel community, along with Carlos and Maria.

A bumpy, 2 hour, forest/mountain ride away, Rob and Tara gave me a whirlwind tour of the Bezelel boarding school, where Kekchi youth from communities throughout the Ketcki-speaking region live and study academics during the weekdays and vocational training in tailoring, weaving, baking, carpentry, masonry and metalworking on Saturdays. Tara (daughter of a Calvin prof Bert DeVries ya'll, among other bizarre GR connections!) brought me to visit sweet-faced girls with their flourishing collections of goats and rabbits - part of a Heifer International project to incorporate more protein into rural diets, and then onto an impressive terraced organic garden, which is helping to provide fresh fruits and vegetables for the middleschoolers at Bezelel.

These MCC supported programs address two of the main problems that Guatemala faces--land distribution and accessible primary education. The roots of these problems trace back as far as the Spanish Conquest in th 1500s, where lands were seized from the indigeounous peoples and and given to Spanish nobles. But recent history bears blame as well with eonomic and political moves in the last 100 years seizing prize farm lands and turning them over to US corporations such as United Fruit Company
(aka Chiquita).

Today, many Mayans are left with little choice but to farm steep, rocky mountainsides - the last available land - and/or work the multinational banana plantations or coffee fincas of rich landowners for wages often 1/3 to 1/2 of the legal minimum wage of 6ish dollars a day. And this system of exclusion and exploitation has also kept indigenous Mayans from accessing basic services, such as health care, and primary education.

So seeing some small steps like these gives me hope, although there are still many deeper, structural elements that need addressing that I will continue to learn about each day I am here. But I am encouraged to see hope in the faces of Carlos and Maria. And am struck, as I knew I would be, with a taste of just how much I will be blessed and changed during this new life I have been given in Guatemala.

>Bantioux.

ready, set, go...

2007-05-01T17:46:00.000-06:00

after a wonderful send-off potluck at madison (thanks to my care groups, my family, and all who came bearing gifts of yummy food, guitar strumming, cards, gifts and last goodbye hugs!)...

and after a quick and wonderful two days in akron, pa at the mcc-us office meeting the faces that corresponded with the email notes and phone voices that have been pulling together all the administrative details...

hello guatemala.

i have been enfolded in the MCC guat/el salvador team family. all bear patiently with with my broken spanish. my MCC country directors calm my fears that i am a bit over my head in all of this. they encourage me to be myself, to pray, to take time to rest, to not be anxious. this week i will set goals and clarify my expectations for the next three years. and they will help me.

i have met my soon to be fellow staff at CASAS program and the Semilla Seminary. God carried me through a full day of individual and group meetings this first week - all in spanish!

soon i will finish my general orientation to the current work and vision of the full MCC Guatemala/El Salvador team, and then leave for Alta Verapaz to begin meeting with fellow MCC-ers outside of the City who are working in a rural Kekchi village in the cooler, greener hills.

next week i will start spanish classes and orientation to my specific assignment with the CASAS program within Semilla. there are histories of hurt that i will be walking into. please pray that i can help ease pain and build bridges. there may be rough waters ahead.

but i am thankful, so thankful for this opportunity. i am eager to grow. to learn. to be changed. to help usher in God's justice, His peace. working in that space that links guatemalans and north americans to one another. thank you for being the Body to me. for helping to carry me to this place.

hasta luego mis amigos, mis hermanos y mis hermanas.

prayers that all is well with you.

-slm